Failure to Launch
by Absentialuci
Summary: Ever wonder why the best laid plan of supervillains always fail? Perhaps we can shed a little light on that for you. Read, review and enjoy!


KIM POSSIBLE, RON STOPPABLE AND OTHERS ARE THE PROPERTY OF DISNEY AND THEIR RESPECTIVE ARTISTS

* * *

The Supreme One, formerly known as Shego, sat upon her throne and fumed. No one dared approach her. Even Drakken, amped up on steroids and gene modifications, didn't dare do anything to draw her attention. This should have been the dagger thrust that cut the heart out of the resistance. Instead she had to endure another stalemate. Some significant gains had been made but it fell far short of the crushing blow it was intended to be.

The failure was not hers. She had planned everything down to the smallest detail and then had double and even triple redundancy plans in effect. Every contingency was allocated for and plans to deal with them were in place. Those whom failure could be traced to had already had their suffering and been disposed of, but that didn't help her mood; for now, there was no one left to blame. Grinding her teeth in frustration, she muttered to herself "How could this have happened?"

The last thing she expected was to have her rhetorical question answered by a cheery voice just to the left of her throne saying, "That's easy, I did it."

Shego froze on her throne and slowly rotated it to face the source of the voice. If it was one of her henchmen, allies or a spy, she had several plans for dealing with them. Instead of any of the above, there stood an average looking man dressed in rather non-descript clothes that would not be out of place about a decade ago, before the green-on-black fashion made its debut. Average height, average weight, lightly tanned skin, reddish brown hair that could stand to be combed and clear blue eyes. He also did not appear to be armed at all. In fact, there was nothing remarkable about him in any way except for the fact he was staring the Supreme One directly in the eyes and was sporting a lopsided, knowing grin. The stare made Shego hesitate a moment. With Kim Possible and her buffoon lost in the time stream, there were few people left who would have willingly met her gaze. Hesitating also gave her bodyguards, lead by Drakken, time to approach. Every one of them had been painfully aware of The Supreme One's mood and knew it would not be pleasant to be found slacking in their duties.

To have appeared as he did, this was obviously a being of power and Shego decided to expend her bodyguards to see just what kind of power it possessed. Slowly, she asked, "Just who are you?"

"That's not nearly as interesting as why I am here," came the offhand reply.

Shego' temper flared and she rose from the throne, starting toward the figure with her hands growing green with plasma, reaching out to grip the grinning fool. "Don't toy with me or," she never finished the sentence for at that moment there came an extra loud snapping and fizz noise from her gloves. They promptly lost all of their energy and became so much dead weight at the end of her arm. She stopped and looked down at her hands and then back to the smugly smiling figure. Keeping eye contact, she backed up a few steps and out of the line of fire of her bodyguards and simply said, "Kill him."

She expected her bodyguard to fail, but in their destruction and death she would learn more about the force she was dealing with. What she did not expect was the manner in which they failed. Every weapon that tried to fire malfunctioned in one way or another. Firing pins came down on dud rounds, misfires caused unclearable jams, and shells exploded, destroying the weapon. Energy weapons were discovered to have empty power cells, and the wiring on ray guns fused solid. The guards abandoned their useless shooting weapons and drew their close combat blades and plasma staves, only to experience another round of malfunctions.

Heaving a sign heavy with frustration, she waved back her guard with a word, "Enough." Turning her attention back to the mysterious stranger, she asked, "None of that happened without your help did it?"

The man chuckled, "Actually, one of them did, but I'm not going to tell you which one."

"Who are you?" There was defiantly power here. And where there was power she intended to have it, control it or share in it. She could already see the possibilities in being able to interfere with machines this way.

"Ah, what's in a name? Over the ages I have been called a great many different names. A lot of those names are not repeatable in polite company." He smirked, "That's not exactly a problem here, is it?"

Shego held her growing anger in check. "If I don't know how to address you, how can I properly extend an alliance to you?" Even as she said the words, thoughts of double-cross played through her mint-tinted mind.

"Why would I want an alliance? I have no use for it."

"Of course not," said Shego, "You obviously control machinery in some form. Have you come to share this knowledge with me?"

The man laughed, "I do not control machinery. I admit it might seem that way since I do most of my best work with machines. Nor do I have any special powers. I simply AM. I do not accept offerings, I do not bestow gifts, I cannot be placated, I cannot be appealed to and I cannot be summoned. I take what pleases me because in truth, it cannot be freely given."

"If you don't want an alliance or sharing of knowledge and power, why are you here?"

"Now that is the right question. I am here to," and he paused for dramatic effect, "piss you off."

Shego clamped down firmly on her rage. Not since she had conquered the world, crushed Global Justice and stamped out the competition had anyone dared talk to her in this manner. She had faced many terrible trials to get to where she was, but this was the trial that tested her willpower to hold her temper. Normally, embracing the fury and hate inside her gave her the power to overcome any test. This was different. She knew that to give into her rage would be worse than useless. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and mastered her emotions. It was…terribly difficult. When she opened her eyes, the man was still there, looking totally inoffensive and grinning that lopsided smile. At length Shego spoke, "If I told you that you succeeded, would you just go away?"

The man favored her with sweet smile, dripping with sympathy and said, "Nope."

"Then get on with it."

The man gave her a look of perfect innocence, "Get on with what?"

Shegos' control slipped a bit. "WITH WHATEVER IN THE DAMNED WORLD YOU CAME HERE TO DO!" she roared. She took a steadying breath and continued in a normal voice, "I obviously can't stop you so just do what you have come here to do."

"Oh," the man replied offhandedly, "I've already done most of that. Right now I'm just hanging around to amuse myself."

Shego decided to try to direct the conversation to something she hoped would be a little more informative and less infuriating. "Will you at least tell me who you are so that I can know the name of my tormentor? What are you?"

"Do you like riddles?" He cheerfully asked.

"No," was the flat reply.

"Well then, I guess it's time for a cryptic monologue." He smiled, and then began. "I am the creaky floorboard when you're depending on silence. I'm the sudden rain storm when you had to have clear weather. I'm the empty gas tank when you're running late. When you're playing that game with the figures and dice, I'm the five 'ones' you rolled when you needed a 2+ to make your save. I'm the knock on the door just as you're starting to have sex. I'm the bolt that came loose as you made that sudden turn." He glanced down and smiled at Shego's inert claws. "I am the critical fuse that shorts when you need it the most. I am all these things and more. I am the one thing you didn't plan on. And that brings me to you." He let out a sigh and donned a look of hurt and sorrow, "You don't believe in me and thought I could be circumvented." He smiled broadly again, "That's why I singled you out for more attention than I usually give others and indeed, decided to grace you with a personal visit. I'll have you know I don't do that very often."

Shego caught a key word from that and asked, "Others? You aren't doing this just to me?"

"Oh no," came the laughing reply. "I am totally impartial. If it's any consolation to you, I am also the reason that Kim Possible's twin brothers have not utterly destroyed you. No person or even any race is beyond my notice. Even the Lowardians and BeBe Robots are subject to my whims, but they aren't as much fun to mess with."

"You spare them?"

"Not at all, I just have to work harder with them. Let me explain,"

Shego thought that that would make a very nice change.

"You asked what pleases me, well; frustration and impotent rage make me smile the most. To that end I am the fouler of plans. The more complex the plan the more I like to screw it up. Can you see now why I made a special case out of you? You planned everything so tightly that you thought nothing could go wrong. There was nothing for me to do but prove to you just how delusional that is! And my, my, the wonderful frustration that resulted," he sighed a contentedly, "just delightful. Anyway, back to your question. Lowardians are really very simple as a race goes, what with the their expansionist views and all. Plans? 'Find planet, conquer planet', I ask you, what kind of complex plan is that? It takes a lot to frustrate that kind of mindset. Still though, I managed. Too bad about little Kim's graduation. And the Bebe's, they see things in a rather machine sort of way. It takes a lot to get them upset too, but I managed. No, I won't tell you anything about their plans or what I did. I want it to be a surprise. Everyone else gets frustrated in such delightful ways when things don't go their way. There's just so much fun to be had."

Shego felt strangely calm after hearing this. She was in the presence of a being for which the galaxy and every one in it was a play thing and had the attitude of a spoiled child. Nothing mattered except what it wanted and it liked teasing people. Nothing she could do would make any difference. Everyone, people of all powers and positions, they all craved something, be it more power, influence, wealth or glory. This being just wanted to play.

The man sensed the anger and frustration drain away from her and realized there was no point in hanging around anymore. "Well, time for me to go. You know how it is, plans to mess up, people to piss off. It's a job that's never done, but I do so enjoy my work. And, just to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll let you know who I am. Ready?"

"Yes, tell me," She said rather tonelessly, although inside she was screaming with frustration.

"Of all the names I've been called, I like," he paused again for dramatic effect, "Murphy."

"Murphy?"

"Yes, Murphy. As in 'If anything can go wrong, it will.' In fact, I make sure it does." He said with a wide smile.

"That's just an old saying. There's not really a..,"

The smirking stranger clucked his tongue at her in disappointment, "Do I have to prove my existence to you all over again?" At that moment the toilets throughout the castle lair failed and vented to the floor.

"Did you have to do that?"

Murphy lowered his head and brought one hand up to his chin and appeared deep in thought. Momentarily, he grinned again and said, "Yes, I did."

Shego decided not to pursue the issue and tried to change the subject. "I don't suppose I could ask you for a favor anyway and have you go spend some time with the resistance to my rule, could I?"

"Sure, you can ask. I happen to be going that way anyway. Whether I do anything just depends on how complex their plotting is." He paused and seemed to consider something. "You know, I'm going to take back something I said earlier just for you. You remember how I said I couldn't be summoned? Just for you I can be. It's a simple ritual, just look up at the sky, ceiling or whatever and say "What else can go wrong!" and I'll be right there to show you."

And with that, he disappeared in a blink without a sound. Shego blinked in shock and surprise. She was about to yell out orders when Kim Possible and her sidekick clambered through the window of the throne room and assumed fighting stances. Shego sighed heavily and stared up at the ceiling and muttered a single curse, "Murphy."


End file.
